I turned 37 this year. How does it look today? Up at 4 to rock a fussy baby. Finished watching Parenthood on DVR. Weighed in (so, maybe I should keep counting calories every day). And instead of going back to sleep for an hour, I decided to stay up. To write. Because I think this is what I want to do when I grow up. And what better way to do it, well, than to do it.
I am not at a bad place at 37. I am married (16 years and counting). I have three lovely children spanning 10 to 1 year old. I am only sort of happy with my parenting skills. And sort of more happy with marriage. Those two often switch places on “the things I am doing right and wrong” scale. I live in a nice town. I have some amazing friends here, God sent if you ask me. I know who I can call if the bottom falls out and I need someone to hold me up. My house—nothing fancy or Pinterest worthy. But, I still pin some things to do . . . one day.
My soul is in a pretty good place. I am discovering that niche that God has for me. It is not so much one big shining moment, a “come on DOWN!” kind of thing. It is the little decisions you make every day that lead you into and through your purpose. It is easy to claim the care and keeping of my family as my purpose. But, I think that is too easy. I have this knowing that there is more. Sure, that is my primary role and focus each and every day. I do not begrudge it; rather, I embrace it and enjoy it. However, to stay in that place and not seek the next step of obedience would be tragic. I would miss the other blessings that wait for me.
I always chose to walk for my cardiovascular exercise. I accepted the fact that I was not built to run. “I am not a runner,” I would say confidently and unconfidently at the same time. I watch people pound it out around me and knew that I could never do that. It wasn’t “me.” The truth is I wasn’t brave enough to let that be me. It takes hard work, commitment, and some determination. You don’t get there overnight. My C25K app says, “Run. Walk. Run. Walk.” I do what she says for 8 weeks. Low and behold, I am running. I don’t knock out a 5K 3-4 days a week like I envisioned. I do get out there and do what I can. Some days I run 5K in great time. Some days I stop at 1.66 miles sucking wind, feeling every one of my pounds and years. I took the next step and downloaded an app that tracks distance, time, and pace. In my ears I hear, “That was your longest workout yet!” I just ran. I am a runner!
That is what this journey will look like. The Spirit tells me write or study or listen. I do it. I push through the doubt. I take one more step. I sit in front of this computer and write. Before I know it, I will be a writer or blogger or whatever the Spirit leads me to be. But, I won’t say, “I am not a writer,” anymore. I will be brave and be more. Not because I am big, but because my God is big and he calls me to big things.
I am 37. I am a disciple, a wife, a mother, a friend, a runner, and a writer. That is a good place to be.