On Losing My Job and Losing Control

On Losing My Job and Losing Control

Most weeks, you can trace the beat of my heart through my posts. My struggles and epiphanies often come as I sit here at the keyboard and work out my words. This week, however, a more directed, personal update seems in order.

I lost my job. (This is a stunning statement. I come by this propensity to shock with words quite naturally. See, my dad can take a rather ordinary event and make it quite sensational.) Losing my job is actually a very good thing. I prayed for this very thing for months. I started a temporary assignment in June of last year expecting it to last through the summer. I am only now training my replacement.

In the last eleven months of “temporary” work, I struggled with the work-family-writing balance. I love my job and the extra financial cushion it provides. While it is only part-time, the extra hours impact my roles of wife, mother, small group leader, and writer. I put goals on hold. Relationships get a time slot instead of my attention. I stopped sweeping under the couches and beds.

When I received the confirmation that my time at the office would finally end, I spent some time in prayer. That’s what Christians usually do before we start planning what we will do next. I heard God speak in that still, quiet way, “Wait on Me, child.”

When God speaks to you like that, you say yes. So, I said, “Yes, Lord.”

Later that day, I sat with my manager to see if there were some places for me to plug in during the summer. My openings didn’t fit their needs. I stopped planning, and I went back to praying.

“Wait on Me, child.”

I said, “Yes, Lord,” again. Then, I picked up the phone to call an old coworker at another hospital to see if they needed any help. Hit-and-miss conversations yielded nothing.

I prayed some more. Wouldn’t you know it, God assured me once more, “Wait on Me, child.” This time, I didn’t say yes right away. I picked up on my foolish pattern. I didn’t want to give a yes I wouldn’t stand behind.

Suzie Eller's Come with Me

It is no accident that I had a pre-release copy of Suzie Eller’s latest book, Come With Me: Discovering the Beauty of Following Where He Leads, in my hand during this back-and-forth power struggle with God. As I gave control to God and then tried to wrestle it from His hands, I read these words:

How many times have I felt God asking me to do something that makes no sense to me, and I argue with him? Too often I’ve pointed out the impossibilities or obstacles, as if he’s not God and doesn’t see further down the road. I have requested assurance that it’s all going to work out just like I think it should, and then I’ll push out deeper…I’ve somehow come to believe that faith equals success every time—failing to understand that he’s calling me not to success but to faith in him. (Suzie Eller, Come with Me, emphasis added)

I acknowledged my control issues. (Why do I even try to control God Almighty?) A friend prayed the simplest prayer over me asking God to help me let go. I asked Him to take over this next phase of life, this place where I don’t have a plan.

He said again, “Wait on Me, child.” I whispered, “Yes.” And I meant it. This time, I really meant it.

Yes to whatever is next, even if nothing is next. Yes to enjoying the extra time with my family this summer. Yes to cutting back on our spending to walk this journey of faith. Yes to the possibilities. Yes to the mundane.

Whatever comes next will be an amazing work of God. But the true miracle is the change God made in me. Me, the planner. Me, the control freak. Me, the one who says I have faith while walking the path of uncertainty.

That is where I sit. I have two weeks of work left. We have one more paycheck coming. Summer is on the horizon. I whisper yes each morning in my prayer time. I whisper yes each time I am tempted to pick up the phone to try to take control. I am uncertain and excited all at the same time.

letting go of control

Would you consider saying yes to that thing God is asking of you? Suzie’s book is a great place to start your faith journey. Jesus is calling; will you whisper yes?

Recommended Resource

“People are watching our lives and asking if Jesus is worth following.” (Suzie Eller, Come With Me)

 

Product links are affiliate links.

Photo credit: Josh Post via Unsplash.

25 Comments

  1. Yes, Kelly, Yes! Whenever I sense God telling me to wait or move, I sometimes tend to do the opposite, or control, or question. But ours is not to question, but to follow. Here’s to following where He leads us, my friend!

  2. Yes, Lord. Thank You for leading us and teaching us and training us so patiently. Help us to wait on You and surrender daily to Your tender and powerful and purposeful control. You are God, and there is no other.
    In the Name of Jesus,
    Amen

  3. I read this with tears streaming down my face. I am in a very similar position. I keep trying to take control, and, yet, God keeps telling me to wait. I even have peace about the situation, and, yet, I rebel. It makes no sense because my heart-cry is to have perfect faith and walk in obedience. Thank you for your post. It is a wonderful reminder and a spritz of encouragement.

  4. I can’t even remember how many times my ‘yes’ to Him has meant saying ‘no’ to myself (type-A list-maker that I am) or how many times my ‘yes, I’m ready, let’s get going’ is countered with a ‘wait.’ This is going to be a beautiful time–if it’s a week or a whole summer or something else! Can’t wait to hear what you learn and how He causes you to grow.

  5. Waiting on God is when trust comes hardest. Letting Him work it all in His timing, in His way. Love that Suzie’s book reinforced His word to wait on Him. Thanks for sharing. : )

  6. We are in a similar boat this very week! Praying for you too!!

  7. I will pray for you Kelly!! So wonderful, and sometimes so scary when we can hear God speak to us in that way!

  8. “I do believe, help my unbelief.” Mark 9:24 I’m praying for peace for you, Kelly, and for your whispers to be met with God’s provision that is loud and clear. I’m recalling that car situation… ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. Kelly! This post! It is like a little reminder from Jesus to stay the course — a reminder I really needed. Waiting on God is SO HARD. Just when we think our faith has increased he shows us where we require more. So thankful for this reminder. Thank you for your words.

    • Brianna, I am thankful we get to be on this starts-and-stops journey together. Seeing the successes of my sisters is such encouragement that God is working–in HIS time and according to HIS purposes.

  10. This book sounds wonderful. I’m a major control freak and planner. I can completely relate to you here :). You will no doubt have an amazing summer following God’s lead. Many blessings to you on this exciting journey!

  11. I’m so thankful for your transparency. I am praying for you during this waiting. The song “While I’m Waiting” came to mind as I read your post.

  12. Hi Kelly,
    I’m visiting today from Coffee for your Heart. What an honest, moving post! I can so relate with your feelings of letting go of control and trusting God and how difficult that is when our work situation is involved. I love your perspective on this time, though and your assurance that God has something waiting around the corner!

  13. ah the dreaded wait!
    I continually have to tell my control-freak heart “He is God. I am not.”

  14. Hello! I can so relate to this. I’ve been in a “waiting period” for a good long time now and after this month, NOTHING makes sense about what’s to come! God doesn’t usually tell us what’s going to happen, He just tells us where to go next (or often. where to stay). He’s been telling me to, “Be still” for a long time and I’m antsy to get going lol Thank you for sharing, your post was beautiful! Found you on the Ra-Ra LinkUp ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. How did I miss this? Great post. I pray you future is ALL you want it to be. ๐Ÿ™‚

3 Trackbacks / Pingbacks

  1. How to Make Awesome Pinterest-Free Summer Memories - Mrs Disciple
  2. Letting Go of the Doubt in the Middle of the Storm - Mrs Disciple
  3. Numbers Make a Lousy God - Mrs Disciple

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


*